Sexual Health

Can Adding Lipitor to Viagra Help Treat ED?

2007-04-04T14:34:00.000-07:00

Erectile dysfunction (ED), or the inability to get an erection, is a complex condition with many possible causes. The cardiovascular system, specifically the thin layer of cells lining the blood vessels called the endothelium, is believed to play a major role in some cases of ED.

As I have written on this blog before, the presence of ED can often be one of the earliest signs of problems in endothelial function that may later progress to heart disease. In such cases of ED, the vascular endothelium loses its capacity to form nitric oxide, which is necessary to dilate the blood vessels in the penis that cause an erection.

If this hypothesis is correct, then a drug designed to treat this damaged vascular endothelium, such as a statin, should help men with ED who do not respond to treatment with Viagra.

One small but promising study involved men who previously failed treatment with Viagra alone. The men were given 80 mg daily of the statin Lipitor or a placebo. Both groups also received 100 mg tablets of Viagra to use for sexual purposes. After 12 weeks, the Viagra-plus-Lipitor group had statistically significant improvement in erectile function, while the placebo group showed no such improvement.

Although the number of men in the study was small, the results nonetheless are promising enough for the authors to call for larger trials to be done.

How to Prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases

2007-03-20T00:19:00.000-07:00

Wear Condoms
This preventative measure should be common knowledge. Unfortunately, many people who do not use condoms are angry when learning that they have an STD. They start to wonder how it happened, although it is very obvious. Condoms are one of the safest ways to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. If condoms are not being used, the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease increases.

There are many varieties of condoms available on the market. This is done to ensure that people are able to enjoy themselves and be protected from STDs at the same times. A past article in Don Diva magazine listed a wide variety of specialty condoms that are available. This included flavored, textured and clear condoms. Don Diva magazine is not the only resource where condom information can be found. This information can be located in drug stores, online and at a local doctor's office.

Personal History Research
When you are dating someone, it is important to find out about his or her sexual history. This is one of the best ways to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. People who know the sexual history of their partners will be able to determine if they should engage in sex related activities. The "Friends with Benefits" and "Hooking up" lifestyle has become very popular among young adults. Under this philosophy, men and women have sex with multiple people.

The relationships are based on sex with no emotionally or future commitment. It is especially important to learn about a person's sexual history in these cases. This information should be shared mutually among partners. If someone does not want to share a lot of specific information, stick to the basics. It may not be necessary to know certain things about someone's sexual history. The most important thing to find out about is whether or not he or she has been treated for sexually transmitted diseases.

Get STD Information
It is necessary to learn about the symptoms, effects and treatment options for STDs. Information puts people in a better position to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. We know that if she put our hands in fire, we will get burned. Therefore, if one does not know how specific STDs are spread, he or she will not be able to prevent it from occurring. Information is the key to staying clear of sexually transmitted diseases. It is much better to be educated about these conditions than to be ignorant of them.

Abstinence
Refraining from sex altogether is one hundred percent effective in preventing sexually transmitted diseases. This is common knowledge, much like condoms. It was practiced more widely in the past. Current pregnancy rates and STD statistics prove this to be true. While diseases such as AIDS and HIV can also be spread through other means, many people still get them during sexual activity. Abstinence is the only choice that will guarantee a life free of STDs.

Sex troubles can point to serious health issues

2007-02-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

Doctors shouldn’t shy away from asking patients about their sex lives, a new research paper advises.

Researchers say problems in the bedroom can translate into serious medical conditions, and ignoring sexual dysfunction may mean missing early indicators for heart failure, depression or other ailments, according to a paper published in Friday’s issue of The Lancet.

“Sex is a legitimate part of medicine, but it has largely been kept separate from the rest of medicine,” said Dr. Rosemary Basson, the paper’s lead author. Basson is based at the British Columbia Centre for Sexual Medicine in Vancouver.

Red flags
Basson and her co-author, Dr. Willibrord Weijmar Schultz of the University Medical Centre in Groningen, the Netherlands, examined numerous medical databases looking for sexual dysfunctions in combination with diseases such as heart failure, diabetes, depression, multiple sclerosis and Parkinson’s. Many sexual problems were identified as possible red flags of underlying or imminent medical conditions.

“If a man comes in with erectile dysfunction, it can be the tip of the iceberg,” said Dr. Andrew McCullough, a sexual health expert at New York University Medical Center who was not connected to the paper.

Doctors are being increasingly advised to take the initiative to ask patients about their sex lives, including basic questions about who they have sex with, how frequently and if they engage in potentially risky behavior.

“People aren’t going to volunteer that kind of information unless they’re specifically asked,” said Dr. Jonathan Zenilman, chief of the infectious diseases division at Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center, who was not involved with the research.

Secret symptoms
What patients often fail to realize, physicians say, is that sexual dysfunctions are often a symptom of something more serious.

For instance, men with erectile dysfunction, the most common sexual disorder in older men, are often at increased risk of heart disease. In one study of 132 men who had heart surgery, nearly half had a history of erectile dysfunction. That diagnosis preceded the heart surgery in nearly 60 percent of the men.

In women, picking up on sex clues is more difficult. “Women don’t have as obvious a physical signal for sexual problems as men,” said Basson. But a woman’s lack of sexual desire reveals an underlying depression in up to 26 percent of cases. Taken together with other symptoms, sexual abnormalities in women could point to hormone conditions, kidney failure, diabetes, or other chronic diseases.

By using sexual problems as early indicators of medical complications, doctors can capitalize on valuable lead time to treat their patients. “The first manifestation of early diabetes could be erectile dysfunction,” said Zenilman. “It may not be what men want to hear, but if it’s caught early enough, you can still do something about it.”

In the case of depression, patients often go for years without being treated. If astute clinicians were able to make the connection between lack of sexual desire with psychiatric conditions such as depression or post-traumatic stress syndrome, patients could be offered treatment earlier, according to Zenilman.

Yet while sexual problems can be an indicator of poor health, the prospect of better sex may persuade people to lead healthier lives.

“Sex can be used as a great carrot for people,” said McCullough. “People will be more willing to make lifestyle modifications to improve their health if they think they’ll also get improved sex.”

Premature Ejaculation Cure

2007-02-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

Sex is meant to be a very pleasurable experience, however if you are consistently plagued by premature ejaculation, you will find there is little else in your life that is more stressful than this condition.

I am sure you are always wondering whether there is such a thing as a cure for premature ejaculation. Well of course there is, but you have to continue reading to see what the premature ejaculation cure is and then take action! If you are not man enough to take the first step to help yourself, then you are probably not man enough to be successful in any premature ejaculation treatment. I know this probably made you puff up and think to yourself, "I am so man enough, how dare you talk to me that way?" To prove my point, talking to you that way worked and that is the reason I wrote it in the first place. TO BE SURE YOU TAKE ACTION so you can feel better about yourself and enjoy your sex life more. Consider it my honest and seemingly uncompassionate way of giving you the will power to get you started :) I have nothing against you. I want YOU to succeed, I want YOU to have better control over your ejaculations, I want YOU to enjoy your sex life more.

Why Do You Ejaculate Prematurely?

Premature ejaculation may seem uncontrollable and completely bizarre to you. You may feel as though you are less of a man or there is absolutely no help for your problem and that you will just have to live this way the rest of your life. However, you may be happy to know that there are many clear and precise origins that can cause this condition and an understanding of how to stop premature ejaculation.

Very often, your first sexual experiences took place in an uncomfortably unsecured place, such as the home of a parent, a room that you shared with someone else, the back of a car or in the family bathroom. Most likely you were not very relaxed and the message that was delivered to the inexperienced part of the subconscious mind was "Oh no, I have to hurry or I may get caught and not be able to finish this!" Because the human brain is designed to procreate, it receives this message as an extremely important order. This is an order that is not easily forgotten.

Can Hypnosis Cure Premature Ejaculation ?

The only known cure for premature ejaculations is to "update" the pattern that the subconscious mind uses for sexual performance. This can sometimes happen through experience, however some of the time it needs a little help to be "reprogrammed."

This is where hypnosis comes in and why hypnosis is a very effective way to cure premature ejaculation. Under the relaxed pleasurable state of hypnosis, the subconscious mind is allowed to learn a new way to handle sexual activity. It is allowed to learn to take its time and enjoy the sexual experience, rather than treating it like a race. And because it is your subconscious mind, the very first thing you will notice, that shows you that hypnosis is in fact curing your problem, is that you are lasting longer each time you have sex before you reach orgasm.

How can I tell if Ive had an orgasm?

2007-02-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

I’m in my first year of college and most of my friends are sleeping around a lot. They all talk about having orgasms which sound mind-blowing. I’ve never been that comfortable with my body, I don’t even masturbate, but I’ve had sex a few times and I think I felt something like an orgasm, but it wasn’t anything like what my friends are describing. Is there some test that can tell me if I’ve had an orgasm or some way of knowing for sure?

If you only do one thing for your sex life, try and stop yourself whenever you are comparing your sex life to someone else’s. It’s not easy, but in the long run I promise you’ll be much happier, and think of all the time you’ll save by getting rid of all those anxious moments. Also, you never know if someone is describing something accurately, and, regardless, it doesn’t matter. Your sex life is all that matters, and possibly the sex life of the people you’re having sex with.

If you do two things for your sex life, you should make the second thing an effort to masturbate more. Sex educators don’t refer to masturbation as the “cornerstone of sexual health” for nothing. The best way to explore your sexual response, including what orgasms feel like, is to do it on your own first, before you get one or more than one person involved.

As for how to tell if you’ve had an orgasm or not, there isn’t a test you can take.After all, orgasm is not just a physical experience, it happens in your body, your mind, possibly even your spirit. And there is no single definition of orgasm. So what would the test measure? However, there are some tell tale signs of what we could call an orgasmic response:

Increased heart rate and blood pressure
Increased muscle tension
A flush of your skin
A release of tension followed sometimes by a feeling of deep relaxation

But you might experience one or several of these things and not “feel” like you had an orgasm.

So how can you tell if you’ve had an orgasm? Most people would probably respond by saying “you’ll know when you’ve had one”. This always sounds a little condescending to me though, and if you’ve never had one, how could you know?

Instead I would just ask you whether or not the sex play you’re having is pleasurable. Does it feel good? Does it feel like something you want to do more? Are there times during sex when you want to say or do something but you hold yourself back? Holding back is one way you might be reducing the pleasure you’re feeling, including orgasms.

Trying to figure out if you’ve had an orgasm can also be a dead end, because if you’ve had one, does that mean you stop exploring other ways of feeling good or having orgasms? It’s a cliché, but a true one, that sex is about the journey not the destination. Focusing on orgasm is like driving down a one way street that stops at the river. If you focus instead on sexual pleasure, on how you respond and what you can feel, you don’t have to stop at the river bank; you get to jump in the river and float with the current, and you never know where you’ll end up.

Premature Ejaculation: Myths and Facts

2007-01-27T10:18:00.000-08:00

Myth: Premature ejaculation is a disease:

Fact: Premature ejaculation does exist as a clinical diagnosis, but it is not a disease or illness. The causes of premature ejaculation are still unknown, but it is most often considered to be the consequence of psychological issues, rather than physical ones.

Myth: If I think of something that’s not sexy, I’ll last longer:

Fact: The only way to truly control ejaculation is to learn to pay more attention to your body, not less. While the “distraction” method may work for some people some of the time, it isn’t a solution, since it takes you away for experiencing sexual pleasure. Most men can learn to both experience full sexual pleasure and control ejaculation, it just takes practice.

Myth: Some men are born able to control ejaculation, while others can’t.:

Fact: No one is born with the ability to control ejaculation. It seems likely that early masturbatory experiences, and sexual experiences with partners may play a role in what a man’s sexual response is like, and how aware he is of ejaculatory control, but ejaculation is an automatic response, and sort of like urination, the only way to control it is to learn how.

Myth: If you ejaculate within a few minutes, you’re a premature ejaculator.:

Fact: The definition of premature ejaculation does not include a specific time limit. It is usually defined as premature ejaculation when ejaculation consistently occurs before both partners are sexually satisfied

Myth: Very few men have premature ejaculation, I'm the only man I know with it:

Fact: Premature ejaculation may be the most common male sexual dysfunction. According to the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) 30% of men live with premature ejaculation. You probably do know at least one, if not several, men who have experienced premature ejaculation. But very few men ever talk about it.

Myth: Premature ejaculation is a problem that can’t be fixed:

Fact: There are several very successful ways of treating premature ejaculation. In most cases men can learn to control ejaculation without drugs or medical intervention.

Myth: I have to wait until they develop a pill to treat premature ejaculation:

Fact: Behavioral methods to treat premature ejaculation are very effective. They also have the benefits of increasing your understanding of your own sexual response, and of increasing sexual communication with your partner. There are currently no FDA approved medications to treat premature ejaculation.

Can Adding Lipitor to Viagra Help Treat ED?

2007-01-22T23:28:00.001-08:00

If this hypothesis is correct, then a drug designed to treat this damaged vascular endothelium, such as a statin, should help men with ED who do not respond to treatment with Viagra.

Although the number of men in the study was small, the results nonetheless are promising enough for the authors to call for larger trials to be done.

Sex is Good for Your Health

2007-01-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

Sexual healing is what Marvin Gaye was singing about, but I am going to take an educated guess that he wasn’t referring to stress, and was more than likely talking about healing his ache, but sex is actually a great stress reliever, and a great emotional and physical energy booster. After all great sex between consenting adults is a health benefit as intimacy promotes neurochemicals and hormones that pour through the body that aids in promoting health and healing.

Burn Up Calories From Having Sex:
Hot monkey love is not a requirement for great sex, but the closeness and bonding that comes from intimacy can be one of the most rewarding parts of a relationship, and the calories that you will burn from your romantic work out is just another benefit. In fact, having sex is equal to running 15 minutes on a tread mill, and according to some studies, an active sex life can help you to live longer due to the peace and well being that comes from having a fulfilling sex life. Of course intimacy requires a bit of exercise, and you can easily burn up 75 to 100 calories per calm interlude. However, more intense sex can run into a full scale diet plan if done often enough. So that means that couples who have sex at least five times a week can burn up to at least 500 calories or more, which is the equivalent of eating one double cheeseburger. This means that you can save money on aerobics, and you won’t have to jog around the block anymore.

Eating Before Sex:
Although we have been allured with the common myth that a romantic dinner is one of the best ways to eventually lead us to an intimate interlude, a full belly and sex really don’t mix well. Its best to eat a light dinner or feed each other small amounts of chocolate-covered fruit, cheeses or figs which were a favorite aphrodisiac of the ancient Greeks due to their high amino acid content which builds up sexual stamina.

Testosterone Issues:
This simple word has been the blame for road rage, and all of those other crazy things that guys do that scare us, but the reality is that testosterone levels peak after sex which can reduce the risk of heart disease and diabetes. However it does not refrain the man from wanting to pass out into a coma like sleep after having a good dose of hot monkey love.

Enhancing Your Sex Life:
Afternoon sex is when our hormones are at their highest, but kids, work, daylight and other irritating factors can get in the way of an afternoon tryst. Get a babysitter, play hooky from work, close the blinds, and hang up the "Do Not Disturb" sign.

Pictures in the bedroom are a huge turn off, especially if they are of parents, ex-girlfriends/boyfriends or children. This is particularly a bad idea when the pictures have been placed next to the bed, and the faces appear to be smiling or staring at you. If you can, avoid these types of distractions in your personal area meant for two.

The way to a man’s heart just may be through his stomach or at least his arousal mechanism, that is if you fill the air with the erotic, sweet smell of cinnamon. A study performed by scientists used 200 different smells, and cinnamon helped men to stay aroused by increasing the blood flow to their most private member.

Reasons Why People May Avoid Sex:
Body image and the feeling of being unattractive
Stress
Lack of sleep
Depression
Pregnancy
Breast Feeding
Antidepressants and other medications
Menopause
No time
Arguments
Infidelity

Sexual Health

2007-01-20T01:41:00.001-08:00

A sexually healthy person is someone who is, in the mind and body, generally healthy. A physically healthy person can be aroused sexually, remain interested during intercourse, and have a planned orgasm. Someone who is mentally healthy can get sexually excited (but also have the ability to “turn-it-off”) and be satisfied from the sexual experience (performance wise, as well as fulfilling his or her own sexual desire). If a person doesn’t fully experience one or more of the above, he or she is suffering from some form of sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunctions are the result of physical and mental disorder. Since no one is in perfect mental and physical health for life, sexual dysfunctions are common.

A physically healthy person translates into a sexually healthy person. To be physically fit, one must take good care of his or her body by constantly exercising regularly, eating a healthy and balance diet, and keeping a close eye on what is being put into the body (i.e. drugs, medicinal and recreational, as well as alcohol and smoking). Exercising helps regulate blood-flow throughout the body, including components needed for sexual activity. Exercising can also ensure that all component of your body is healthy and that nothing is physically wrong with you. A normal person who has a regular job should have full-body workouts about one to two hours a week. Eating is also important to the body. A healthy and balance diet also helps regulate-blood flow in the body. A high fiber diet, for instance, clears through the system without being absorbed into the body. In contrast, a high cholesterol diet will clog the blood-flow of the body, causing erectile as well as other problems for the body. Other than food, a person must be wary of what substances they put into their body. Smoking increases erectile dysfunction and cardiovascular disease, as well as other bodily harm. Excess drinking results in sexual arousal and performance disorder. Although recreational drugs (LSD, marijuana, etc.) can enhance sexual pleasure, it can also decrease the interest and desire in sexual activity. Medicinal drugs have variable side-effects that may involve changes in sexual activity. Steroids, for example, can shrink the testes as well as decrease sperm count for males. When taking medicine, always check the side-effects on the label of the medicine container.

Most physical diseases and conditions also have an effect in sexual activity. Sexual dysfunctions results from cardiovascular disease, injury to the spinal cord, surgery complications, neurogenic diseases, diabetes, cancer, eating disorders and more. Diabetes, for example, causes different sexual problems for males and females. Diabetic males suffered from erectile disorder; a small percentage of these men also suffered from retrograde ejaculation, where ejaculated semen goes into the bladder instead of the urethra. Diabetic females sometimes suffered from sexual arousal and orgasmic disorder.
To be a mentally healthy person (at least sexually), one must be well-off socially, emotionally, and intellectually. Socially, one must communicate trust, respect, commitment and love to their sexual partners. Although love and commitment aren’t really required, it is important to associate “sex” with “love-making” because it further enhances your relationship with your partner. Sex is important, but by itself it accomplishes nothing for you or your sexual partner psychologically. Sex should be used to further strengthen the relationship between you and your partner. Emotionally, one must approach sex with positive emotions. Negative emotions (hate, disgust, anger, etc.) developed into stress, causing the person to lose sexual desire. Positive emotions (love, trust, respect, etc.) allow the body to relax and enjoy the sexual experience. Intellectually, you must know how to pleasure your sexual partner because it shows that you really care about him or her, not just only caring about how your own feelings during intercourse. Some have sex just for the physical pleasure. While they might be initially satisfied with the experience, it does nothing for them emotionally in the long run. They view sex as only a physical activity; it really should be treated as an expression of love.

Sexual dysfunctions are a result of physical and mental problems of the male and female. It needs to be treated because sexual dysfunctions indicate that something is wrong with a person physical and/or mental health. Physical sexual dysfunctions can often be treated with medicine. Erectile dysfunction, for example, can be treated with Viagra and Levitra. Psychosocially sexual dysfunctions are more complicated and required sex therapists. Sex therapy combines education and medicine with psychotherapy. Therapy sessions involve the patient giving permission and personal information to the therapist. Based on the patient’s information, the therapist gives specific suggestions, like learning how to communicate with his or her partner and using masturbation to improve sexual activity, to the patient. Patients must be self-aware when giving information to the therapist in addition to accepting the tasks the therapist asked them to execute. Sex therapies also involve sexual partners. Couples who have sexual problems need sex therapy because they aren’t sure who is suffering from what sexual dysfunction. The female could be suffering from orgasmic disorder or the male could be suffering from premature ejaculation or maybe they just needed better communication during sex. They might never know unless they see a sex therapist.

Although not categorized as sexual dysfunctions, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are far more dangerous. STDs includes chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, venereal (genital) warts, syphilis, chancroid, hepatitis B, crabs and HIV/AIDS. It is important to get tested for STDs (especially if you have many sex partners) because many of these diseases are asymptomatic; its symptoms lay dormant for weeks, months and, in the case of HIV, years before becoming active. By the time the symptoms are active, the STD infected individuals would have unknowingly spread the disease to their sexual partners. Most of the STDs, like venereal warts and HIV/AIDS, have no known cure, therefore the infected individual are infected for life. As a result of being incurable and asymptotic, many STDs have become an epidemic around the world.
Abstinence, the withdrawal of sexual activity, is the best prevention against STDs. If you chose to engage in sexual activity, knowledge is the best option. Knowledge of STDs (answers to questions like if there is any cures, what kinds of treatments, what the symptoms are, what body component is affected, what probability of infecting others is, and how wide spread diseases are) would go a long way in preventing being affected by STDs. When you decide to have sex with someone you don’t really know, try asking your sexual partner about his or her sexual history. If your partner seemed uncomfortable talking about it, try revealing your sexual history first. Make sure your partner is truthful and comfortable talking about sex and STDs. If your sex partner refuses to give you any information, then the decision is up to you as to whether or not to have sex with someone who has a suspect sexual past.

If you choose to have sex with someone who has a suspect sexual past, always use protection. Condoms are the best protection against STDs that infect through bodily fluids, but it is not as effective against STDs that infect through skin contact. Unless you wear a full-body latex suit, the only way to prevent STDs that infect through skin contact is to be extremely careful not to make skin contact or abstain from having sex with the infected individual.

Being physically and mentally healthy enhances the sexual experience, but it also requires a great deal of effort. Not only do you have to keep your body in shape, but also be mentally prepared for sex. People should have sex for the right reasons, not just because they feel so horny and have to “get-off.” None of us are perfect; all of us have suffered, is suffering, and/or will suffered some kind of sexual dysfunctions. If you feel something is sexually wrong, whether if it’s a sexual dysfunction or a STD, go see a physician or sex therapist. Sex is great; but by being physically fit and mentally prepare, sex can be an incredible experience.

Sexual Dysfunction: Treatment for Men and Women

2007-01-12T11:52:00.001-08:00

In the Journal of American Medical Association in 1999 article, sexual problems are common in women and men. In a survey of men and women aged 18 - 59 years, about 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men reported some sexual problem. According to Sexual Function Health Council of the American Foundation of Urological Diseases (2006) in the United States, estimated about 30 million men have some form of erectile dysfunction (ED) or sometimes called impotence. Experiencing the inability to get or achieve sexual achievement of satisfaction does vary from chronic, partial or brief episodes. In older men the problem associated to ED usually is physically related to disease, injury or side of effects of medication.

Also, erectile dysfunction has been linked to emotional stress, such as the loss of a partner and depression. Statistically, about five percent of men in their forties and fifteen to twenty-five percent of sixty-five year old men experience erectile dysfunction. In some cases, erectile dysfunction causes emotional and relationship problems and has lead to diminished self-esteem. In 1999, according to the National Ambulatory Medical Survey, approximately 22 out of 1000 men in the United States received medical attention for erectile dysfunction. Female sexual dysfunction is caused by hormonal imbalance, such a decrease in estrogen following menopause or related to a medical condition (Including having pain during intercourse, linked to a variety of medical problems). Also, depression or emotional stress can be linked to a lack of sexual desire or achievement of sexual fulfillment. The problem can cause stress and have a negative impact in a relationship.

Medication is available to treat erectile dysfunction, including popular and advertised Viagra, Levitra and Cialis. All of these medications are classified as Phosphodiesterase - 5 inhibitors (PDE - 5 Inhibitors), taken at least one hour before planning to have sexual activity. About eighty-three percent of men taking any one of these PDE - 5 inhibitors, erectile dysfunction had been cured. However, according to the Food and Drug Administration, reported cases taking PDE - 5 inhibitors experienced varies degrees of vision loss or in some cases irreversible vision loss. Those taking nitrates such as nitroglycerin should not take a PDE - 5 Inhibitor. The combination could dangerously lower blood pressure and lead to a stroke, heart attack or death. Statistically, one half of all patients initially prescribed a PDE - 5 Inhibitor did not renew their prescription due to adverse side effects, problems associated taking other medications and / or not achieving desired results.

Palatin Technologies, a bio-pharmaceutical firm based in Cranbury, developed a drug called Bremelanotide (BMT), partnership with King Pharmaceuticals (both companies are publicly traded) treating sexual dysfunction and packaged as a nasal spray. Bremelanotide is a synthetic aphrodisiac, colorless, odorless, and tasteless substance. Also, first compound in a new drug class called melanocortin receptor agonists. The Clinical trials both companies jointly undertook (May 2006) to ascertain safety and efficacious doses, evaluating Bremelanotide. Originally, bremelanotide was sold as peptide Melantan (one and two) as a sunless tanning agent. Noticeable side effect, in most men increased sexual arousal and spontaneous erections. Including in the clinical trail study patients that are diabetic and non - diabetic. Phosphodiesterase - 5 inhibitors target the vascular system (transport blood through the body), however bremelanotide acts on the pathway that controls sexual function, seems to provide better treatment.

During clinical trials of BMT a single dose has shown to spark arousal within 10 to 45 minutes. Upon administering the nasal spray of BMT, both men and females experienced positive sexual improvement. Additional study tests have been performed on pre-menopausal women with sexual arousal disorder. Two - thirds of them, experienced increase sex drive after taking BMT and, being stimulated watching an adult movie. After clinical trial results have been submitted, some time during the second half of 2006, both companies will seek Food and Drug Administration approval for a large - scale home drug study. Chief Executive Officer and President Carl Spana of Palatin Technologies anticipates Bremelanotide nasal spray will be made available for sale sometime between 2009 to early 2010, and will be first marketed to men. Also, expects the price for the drug to cost between eleven to twelve dollars a dose. The estimated value of sexual pharmaceutical market is $3.8 billion, and estimated to increase $6.6 billion by 2012.

Previously, pharmaceutical companies have failed to provide medication to treat female sexual dysfunction. Pfizer pharmaceutical company unsuccessfully tried Viagra on women and Proctor and Gamble pharmaceutical Intrinsa, failed to gain FDA approval for a testosterone patch shown in studies to increase a women's libido (The FDA advisory committee required Proctor and Gamble to conduct more tests to find out what are the long term side effects - December 2004). A published study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine July edition, reported women within a day taking BMT had a "sexual encounter" and said the sex was a good as, if not better than, before they began experiencing arousal problems. Most had initiated the sex with their partner.

Female Sexual Dysfunction: The Facts and the Treatments

2007-01-11T11:37:00.000-08:00

Sexuality is a complex process that is coordinated by the neurological, vascular and endocrine systems. Sexuality incorporates family, societal and religious beliefs. It can be altered by aging, health status and personal experience. Sexual activity incorporates interpersonal relationships. Each partner of a sexual relationship brings unique attitudes, needs and responses to the relationship. A breakdown in any of these areas may lead to sexual dysfunction.

Sexual dysfunction includes desire, arousal, orgasmic and sex pain disorders that include dyspareunia and vaginismus. In women sexual dysfunction is more complex than that of male sexual dysfunction. A womans lack of sex drive is greatly intertwined with many aspects of life. The estimates of the number of women who have some form of sexual dysfunction ranges from 19 to 50 percent in what is referred to as a "normal out-patient population". These numbers increase to 68 to 75 percent when sexual dissatisfaction or problems that are not dysfunctional in nature are included. The problems range from not being able to have orgasms to having no sexual desire at all.

Having low to no sexual desire is referred to as hypoactive sex drive or HSD. By definition women with HSD lack sexual fantasies, suddenly find sex uninteresting and rarely masturbate. Women with HSD may not feel deprived of sex, but the lack of libido causes stress. One of the biggest stresses for women with sexual dysfunction is worrying about the inability to satisfy their husband's needs.

There are many factors that could be sources of sexual dysfunction. If diagnosis is to be made, it is important to locate the possible source. One of the biggest factors is medications. Medications may include those for blood pressure and diabetes. Other medications include antidepressants, tranquilizers, appetite suppressants, chemotherapy for cancer, over-the-counter medications and opioids. Other sources include long-term medical diseases, minor ailments, psychosocial difficulties that include prior physical or sexual abuse, gynecological maladies and cancers that include breast cancer. Illicit drugs, cigarette smoking and alcohol abuse are also significant factors.

The diagnosis requires the physician to obtain a detailed patient history that defines the dysfunction, identifies causative or confounding medical or gynecological conditions and elicits psychosocial information. Diagnosis also requires the establishment of the patients sexual orientation. Preappointment questionnaires are helpful in obtaining all the needed information without time constraints or the patients fears of the upcoming physical examination.

There are currently no FDA approved medications to treat female sexual dysfunction. There are several paths being studied and they include the stimulation of certain molecules or receptors in the brain and increasing the blood flow to the genitals. One medication is FDA approved for the treatment of male sexual dysfunction. This medication is Sidenafil. It is better known as Viagra. Studies show that Sidenafil could be an option of treatment for women as well. Although studies continue, Viagra has not yet been approved for the treatment of female sexual dysfunction.

Although there are no FDA approved medications there are medications and treatments available for female sexual dysfunction. Creams that are available include Estrace and Premarin. Medications in pill form include Premarin that is also available in injections, prempro and premphase and Estratest. Other treatments include EROS-CTD, a clitoral therapy device and Evista, a selective estrogen receptor modulator (SERM). These medications and treatments are all available with a doctors prescription. There are currently many other medications and treatments, but they are still in the clinical trial phase.

The highest proportion of female sexual dysfunction occurs in women between the ages of 18 and 29. The lack of desire appears to be the number one most significant complaint and is followed by arousal and lubrication dysfunction. The prevalence of female sexual dysfunction continues to be documented and it has generated discussions among the medical and lay communities. Although in the past female sexual dysfunction has been virtually ignored, the demands of women are now being heard and more studies are being done in order to better treat female sexual dysfunction.

The Clitoris Manifesto

2007-01-10T12:09:00.001-08:00

The Clitoris Court is now in session. The ladies of the bench will address the masses.

Men, it seems that Cosmopolitan magazine and late-night with Sue Johanson have led you directly to the clitoris -- and when we say directly, we mean directly. Once overlooked and misunderstood, the clitoris now is suffering from...how shall we say it...overexposure.

The clitoris is an officially pleasurable part of a woman's sexual anatomy. However, it seems that some men have targeted the clitoris to the point of excess. These men do so in hopes of pleasuring their mates. They think it's what they want. After hundreds of years of clitoral neglect, we all want to make up for lost time.

This mass clitoris-saturation must give way to a more skillful sexual experience.

To restore the clitoris to its rightful place as part -- not all -- of a woman's sexual pleasure, the following offenses shall be punishable by a lack of arousal, a lack of orgasm or, in severe cases, termination of the relationship itself:

A partner goes for the clitoris too soon
A partner only focuses on the clitoris
A partner uses a far too rough, direct or unimaginative technique
A partner neglects the fact that many women relish internal stimulation
A partner does not supplement clitoral stimulation with teasing or stimulating other spots, or with methods other than a gyrating finger

Ultimately, ladies and gentlemen, stimulation of the clitoris shall feel neither obligatory nor mechanical nor lazy.

As we like to say on the bench: The clit is it, but so is the labia, the vaginal opening, the mons veneris and every other part of a woman's body. It seems that sexual arousal is achieved on a case-by-case basis.

Please keep this in mind the next time you get naked.

SEX, WOMEN and CHOCOLATE

2007-01-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

SEX, WOMEN AND CHOCOLATE:

For hundreds of years, women have been comparing chocolate to sex. Now, research has found a scientific link between the two!

Italian research has found that women who eat chocolate regularly have a better sex life than those who deny themselves the treat. Women who consume chocolate had the highest levels of desire, arousal and satisfaction from sex. A study funded by a University in Italy reports that women who suffer from a low libido "could become even more amourous after eating chocolate". The paper goes on to say that the researchers believe "chocolate could be particularly medicinal for women who shun sex because they are suffering from premenstrual tension. Chocolate is not like a food, it is like a drug. Women who suffer mood swings as a result of their menstrual cycle may also suffer a dip in their sexual function"

CHOCOLATE IN PREGNANCY KEEPS BABY HAPPY:

According to a study done in Helsinki, Finland, Pregnant women were told to keep track of their stress levels and chocolate consumption. After the babies were born, scientists looked for a connection between the amount of chocolate eaten by the mothers and the babies' behavior.

Six months after birth, researchers asked mothers to rate their baby's behavior in various categories, including fear, soothability, smiling and laughter. The babies born to the mothers who had been eating chocolate daily during their pregnancies were more active and positive in their reactions such as smiling and laughter. The babies also showed less fear of new situations than the babies born to women who abstained from eating chocolate.

The researchers speculate that the effects observed could be from chemicals in chocolate associated with positive mood being passed on to the unborn baby in utero. They feel that chocolate consumption and baby bahavior are linked.

Recent studies tells us that 'dark chocolate is healthy chocolate'. Small amounts of a good, rich dark chocolate is thought to improve the blood flow through the blood vessels. Flavonoids are the reason--they are antioxidants in the cocoa plant that is used to make chocolate. Flavonoids are also crediited in prevent ing certain cancers.

Theobromine, which is related to caffeine, is also in chocolate and is a natural cough suppressant. Theobromine is more effective than codeine in controlling coughs. There are also reports that dark chocolate improves glucose metabolism and helps diabetic control and insulin sensitivity. And don't forget, chocolate is an aphrodisiac and helps with depression because it raises serotonin and endorphin levels. It is said to help cure PMS symptoms too because chocolate is high in magnesium with helps raise the progesterone levels that drop during PMS.

Studies have shown that dark chocolate lowers high blood pressure. The good results are from the cocoa phenols that are found in dark chocolate. Dr. Norman K. Hollenberg from Harvard Medical School studied Panama's Duna Indians and found that because members of this group drank an average of five cups of cocoa a day, cases of high blood pressure among them are rare. Dr. Hollenberg says that dark chocolate contains four times the antioxidant qualities found in tea.

Dark chocolate contains antioxidants which gobble up free radicals which are implicated in heart disease and other illnesses. But don't drink milk with your dark chocolate! It interferes with the absorption of those good antioxidants.

Some other nutrients contained in chocolate are iron, calcium and potassium and vitamins A, B1, C. D. and E and other trace elements. Also, cocoa is the highest natural source for magnesium. Magnesium is linked to such illnesses as hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, joint problems and PMS. The fat in high quality plain dark chocolate can be considered cholesterol free as it does not build up in the arteries or contribute to high cholesterol levels.

The darker the chocolate the better. Look for chocolate with at least 70% cocoa solids in it. The ability of the sugar in chocolate to raise the blood sugar (glycemic index) is about the same as oatmeal.

Chocolate is so successful in combating tooth decay that researchers believe that some components of chocolate may one day be added to toothpaste and mouthwash! (See my other AC article, "Chocolate Fights Tooth Decay" link below) The cocoa bean which is the main ingredient in chocolate seems to be an agent that thwarts mouth bacteria and dental caries.

While this all sounds wonderful, care must be taken to not over-indulge. Chocolate has calories! If you eat a chocolate bar, eat fewer calories at your next meal. Chocolate must be eaten in moderation. The ancient Aztec Indians knew about of the health benefits of chocolate as early as the 1400's when Montezuma wrote:

Chocolate: "The divine drink, which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink permits a man to walk for a whole day without food" - Montezuma - Aztec Emperor (1480-1520)

Perhaps, someday your physician will tell you to "Take two chocolate bars and call me in the morning"!

Talking About Sex With a New Partner

2007-01-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

In today's dating world it is not unusual for men and women to have multiple partners, especially in casual dating. Sex, sex, sex. It's everywhere from TV to magazines, and music. You think it would be easy to talk to your partner about sex when it is all around you, right? Usually that is not the case. Most couples avoid talking about sex before it happens. If you are having sex than you should be mature enough to talk to your partner first. With the growing rate of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and the HIV virus among young people it is is now more important than ever to talk about sex.

So when is the right time to bring up sex? There is no answer because it's a different situation for everyone. The best time to talk about sex is before it happens. Talk with your partner about STDs and HIV. Get tested and make sure your partner gets tested. It is now popular to get STD and HIV testing with your partner. There are many facilities today that can accommodate these requests. Many times HIV and STD testing can be obtained free of charge. Popular myth has many people believing that condoms are the answer to everything, but they are far from an answer.

Condoms these days are over 99 percent effective in protecting you from disease and pregnancy. Although rare, problems can arise when using condoms only. Sexually transmitted diseases are spread in many ways other than through vaginal penetration. When performing oral sex, whether you are male or female, it is possible to spread genital warts and other transmittable diseases. If you are unsure of your partners sexual history or presence of STDs than your mouth should not come in contact with their private parts. Cuts inside the mouth are especially susceptible to STDs transmitted through bodily fluids when performing oral sex.

If you and your partner practice safe sex with condoms it is still possible to contract STDs. Infected skin around private parts like the scrotum and anus can infect unprotected skin on your partner. Condoms only cover the head and shaft of the penis and do not protect you from infected skin around the private parts. The only way to be truly safe is to practice abstinence, if this is not your dish then get tested, and make sure your partner gets tested.

If you are in a monogamous relationship you should keep getting tested each year. Just because you are exclusive with someone doesn't mean you can't get an STD or HIV. It is proven that people cheat so never trust anyone. Get tested at least once a year for everything.

Whether you are dating or exclusive with someone it is also important to talk about the possibility of pregnancy. Birth control and condoms are both over 99% effective at preventing pregnancy, but it can still happen. If you are on birth control it is important that you take you pills each day at the same time. When you mess up your pills you are more likely to become pregnant while on the pill. There are other choices now for birth control like the patch and the ring that are much easier to use than birth control pills. Using condoms will also help reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancies.

Whether you are planning a family or not, if you are sleeping with someone you need to talk about pregnancy. Have a back up plan in case it does happen. Don't foolishly think that it can't happen to you because it can. If you are not ready to accept the responsibilities that sex brings than don't do it. Make sure that you always practice safe sex with condoms, and get tested.

Living with Sex Addiction

2007-01-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

People with addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping and more recently overeating are openly encouraged to seek treatment through rehab or twelve step programs. There is another group of addicts, however, that are still not widely discussed in the media. I am referring to sex addicts.

Spotting a sex addict is not an easy task. They come from all backgrounds, both sexes, all ages and all income levels. There is no way to no if your neighbor, priest, boss, teacher, relative, etc., suffers from this terrible affliction. They are experts at hiding their destructive behavior to all those around them. There are no outward physical signs that point to them, although they may be doing physical damage to themselves that remains unseen to others. Statistics show that a great majority of sex addicts were abused as children either physically, sexually or emotionally. Thus, they are already very proficient at keeping things a secret as they were conditioned to as a child. They also often possess multiple addictions. Relatives or friends of a sex addict may be fully aware of the other addictions and completely ignorant of their primary problem.

So how do you know if you or someone you know is a sex addict? The technical definition of sexual addiction is any sexually related, compulsive behavior that interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on oneself, family, friends, loved ones, and one's work environment. The compulsive behavior an addict displays controls every aspect of their life until it becomes unmanageable. Examples of compulsive behavior include: compulsive masturbation, compulsive heterosexual and/or homosexual relationships, pornography, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, incest, child molestation, rape and violence. While the latter behaviors are the most extreme, the behaviors that may appear to be more 'mild' can unravel the very fabric of a sex addict's life and cause them to become suicidal.

Sexual compulsion or addiction can be likened to other addictions in that the addict gets a 'high' from their behavior and cannot function unless that high is constantly achieved. They become dependent on their addiction to feel normal and, as in other addictions, they are always seeking a better high than their previous one. Nothing ever quenches their thirst but they continue to seek the satisfaction that they are sure they will eventually get. A sexual addict is wiling to risk everything to get their fix including their family, job and health. The risk of AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases are not a deterrant. The risk of getting caught or even of getting sick actually fuels the compulsive behavior.

It is estimated that 3-6% of the population suffers from sex addiction. The figures are not clear on whether or not men suffer from this more than women at this point in time. There was a study done in 1983 by a Dr. Patrick Carnes that showed an estimated 20% of sex addicts were women. As was the case many years ago in alcohol addiction, the general public had a hard time believing that women could become sex addicts. It is only recently that this school of thought has started to change. There is a tremendous amount of guilt and shame that goes along with sex addiction, and women are still stereotyped as 'sluts' or 'whores' if they display any degree of sexual openness. This leads many researchers to believe that female sexual compulsion is greatly underreported.

Diagnosing sexual addiction can be a difficult task. An addict may seek help and find him/herself reporting other addictions to a therapist and stopping short of mentioning their sexual compulsions. Their guilt and self-loathing make it extremely difficult to open the subject up to discussion. As a result, they often go undiagnosed and never seek help. Dr. Patrick Carnes developed a Sexual Addiction Screening Test as a self-assessment questionnaire. It is as follows:

Do you or a loved one exhibit any of the following behaviors-

1. Acting out; a pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior. Examples may include:
a. Compulsive masturbation.
b. Indulging in pornography.
c. Having chronic affairs.
d. Exhibitionism.
e. Dangerous sexual practices.
f. Prostitution.
g. Anonymous sex.
h. Compulsive sexual episodes.
i. Voyeurism.

2. Experiencing severe consequences as a result of sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences.

Some of the losses reported by sex addicts include:

a. Loss of partner or spouse- 40%.
b. Severe marital or relationship problems- 70%.
c. Loss of career opportunities- 27%.
d. Unwanted pregnancies- 40%.
e. Abortions- 36%.
f. Suicidal obession- 72%.
g. Suicide attempts- 17%.
h. Exposure to AIDS and venereal disease- 68%.
i. Legal risks from nuisance offenses to rape- 58%.

3. Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior.
4. Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior.
5. Sexual obsession and/or fantasy as a coping mechanism.
6. Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficiently satisfying.
7. Severe mood changes related to sexual activity.
8. Inordinate amount of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual and recovering from sexual experiences.
9. Neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior.

How does an addict get help for his addiction? It begins as it does in recovery from all addictions; admitting the problem is the first, albeit HUGE, step. There may be obvious repercussions from a spouse, partner or boss but it is the first and foremost way to get on the road to recovery. It is felt that a sex addict may not be cured from their affliction but that they can hope to recover and will deal with it on a daily basis, as any other type of addict would. There are various sources of help in treating sexual addiction. These include inpatient and outpatient treatment, professional associations, self-help groups and aftercare support groups. The internet also opens up the possibility of finding online support groups for those who are not ready or willing to appear at a public support group meeting. Sex Addicts Anonymous is based on a 12-step program much like Alcholics Anonymous or Gamblers Anonymous. There are also meetings designed to help partners of sex addicts. This information is easily found on the internet.

Ultimately, sexual addiction is a lifelong process that requires aftercare and support to prevent relapse. That can be very hard in world where images of sex are plastered all over magazines and other forms of mainstream media such as film and television. An alcoholic or gambling addict is instructed to completely obstain from alcohol or gambling to remain in recovery. With a sex addict, the goal is to reset their way of viewing sexual behavior and lead them back into normal, health sexual relationships. With the object of the addiction not being completely avoided, this could be why sexual addiction is the hardest addiction to overcome.

How To Perform Cunnilingus

2007-01-07T07:43:00.000-08:00

Some consider oral sex the most intimate of all sex acts. Cunnilingus, the technical term for performing oral sex on a woman, can be incredibly intimate. To be good at it you have to be an excellent reader of her body, her breathing, her movements, and what she may be telling you with words. Everything you do is for your partner in that moment and not based on a performance expectations, lessons from porn, or previous oral sex experiences. It can be a bit Zen, but with more saliva.

Here's How:

Clean yourself up! Make sure your hands are clean, and your nails are trimmed as you'll probably want to use your hands as well as your mouth on her. Shave your stubble—nothing kills the mood quite like sandpaper on her sensitive parts.
Get wet. Many men have preconceived notions about the taste and/or smell of their partner’s genitals. If you're anxious about this, suggest a romantic bath or shower together and then go down on her. Getting naked and wet with each other is never a bad idea, and as you get more comfortable you will probably find that your partners taste and smell trigger more arousal than anything else. Some people use flavored lubricants, and many dental dams (great for safer sex) are flavored also.
Start slowly. Most women won’t want to go from zero to oral sex in 30 seconds. Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know she loves. Use your hands and mouth all over her body—which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When she’s good and excited—her hips are thrusting and the moans pretty regular, head south.
Get comfortable. This will be different for everyone, but both of you will enjoy this more if you’re both comfortable. Use pillows and be creative with positioning so that you are both relaxed and feel like you can move around. Some people will find it hard on their neck to lie between their partners legs with their head poised over her vulva. For others this will work just great. Remember that it’s okay to change positions and move around.
Get the lay of the land. If you don’t have the body parts, you may want to brush up on your female genital anatomy . Most of the attention with cunnilingus is on the clitoris, but don’t forget the rest of her body. But every woman is different, and there may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the everyday to the out of this world. Use your fingers to spread her lips and take a good look at her clitoris, her labia, her mons, her vagina, her perineum and her anus.
When in doubt, go slow. A lot of women have very sensitive clits, so don’t attack her vulva as if it were a juicy ripe peach. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore her inner and outer lips, her vagina, and her clitoris. Imagine licking an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around her clit and back down the other side.
Check the hood. Most women prefer to have their clitorises licked through the "clitoral hood." This is a fold of skin that covers the actual glans of the clitoris, which is extremely sensitive.
Experiment with different strokes. In general, women tend to like firm pressure and repetitive motion. Quick tongue flicks against the clitoris can be irritating. If you’re not sure, ask her to give you feedback while you try different kinds of strokes—circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don’t take it personally if she flinches—discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error—just try something else.
Let her give you a hand. If you've ever seen her masturbate, you have some idea how she likes her clit to be touched. Ask her to show you now, or you can offer her your hand and ask her to demonstrate the kind of stroking she prefers by placing hers on top of yours.
Use your mouth. Take her clit in your mouth and gently suck on it. Use your mouth to suck on or nibble her labia.
Add penetration. When she’s good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers or toy and gently insert it into her vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on her clitoris and lick her while you penetrate her. This won’t do it for all women, but many love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.
Keep a steady pace, try not to stop. Women like steady stimulation, so don’t stop unless you need to come up for air. You’ll see the signs when she’s getting ready to go over the top—her moans, her thighs pressing against your head, her body arching, her hands tightening on your head! When the orgasm washes over you, she’ll let you know when to stop.

Tips:

Don't forget the rest of her body. In terms of what's nearby, you can incorporate the perineum and vaginal opening into your oral sex. Let your tongue travel down and pop in and out of the vagina occasionally.
If you are using a sex toy for penetration, she might prefer to work the dildo or vibrator inside her while you're licking. This allows you to concentrate, and her to get the rhythm she likes best.
If your mouth or tongue tires, give it a rest, but replace the stimulation with your hand or a vibrator (unless she wants a rest too).
4. It can take women longer to come than men, and many women are anxious about this. Whatever you do, don't make her feel bad about how long it's taking, and hang in there for the long haul. If you need to stop or change things up, that’s okay, but don’t make it about her “taking too long”.

Exploring Fantasy Sexual Role Play

2007-01-06T07:05:00.001-08:00

The term fantasy sexual role play can evoke many things for many people. For some it’s a cliché scene between Tarzan and Jane, Batman and Robin, or Xena and Gabrielle. For others it brings back hot memories of the complicated and luscious roles taken on in the heat of passion. For many people sex fantasy role play is something that holds interest, but with trepidation.

Whether you’re an expert at swinging from the ceiling vines, or a nervous newcomer to the idea of dressing up and getting down, fantasy sexual role play opens a new world of sexual possibilities.

We don’t get to play nearly enough in our adult lives, and most of the socially acceptable forms of play are competitive, with someone always winning and someone else losing.

We even bring our social rules and restrictions into our sex lives, which can limit the kind of pleasure and exploration available to us.

Sexual fantasy role play is a wonderful way to free ourselves, temporarily, from the restrictions and responsibilities of our daily life, and take on the role of someone else.

You don’t have to dive right in, but try and spend some time this week dipping your toes in the deep waters of sexual fantasies. Dream up a few sexual fantasy scenarios, pick a character or two, take some time to think about costumes and props .

Have fun!

What can I do about bad sex shop customer service?

2007-01-05T08:40:00.000-08:00

I recently bought a sex toy for me and my partner. It is still in its original packaging and unused. I was talking to a friend about it who said the plastic bag inside the box it came in should be sealed properly otherwise it is highly illegal to do with health and hygiene etc… This one is sealed in the middle with a piece of tape. I tried to take it back today but the shop wouldn't accept it. I said anyone could have used it and he couldn't guarantee it was safe. He still wouldn't accept it. Have you any advice where I stand legally on this, or whether I could involve trading standards to get my money back.

This is such a common sex shop customer experience, and exposes so many things that are still wrong with most sex toy retailers. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do about this interaction, but there are things you can do to avoid disappointment in the future.

Before suggesting some preventative strategies, I want to clear up some of the misconceptions about what sex shops are required to do. For example the taped up bag. Your friend is wrong in thinking that sex toy retailers need to have their products in sealed packaging. It’s a reasonable assumption, and I wish it were true, but you need to remember some important things about this industry:

Sex toys are not categorized as medical devices, food, health, or fitness products, or medications
There are no real industry standards in the adult sex toy industry, nor are their any specific governmental standards that related to this industry.
Sex toys tend to slip through regulatory cracks as they are designated “novelty”.

The reality is that sex toys can (and often are) made in unhygienic factories, and they may be handled dozens of times before you get them home. This is why it’s very important to wash your toy well before using it the first time. It’s also why I recommend that if you are not using a toy that can be boiled in water, you should always use condoms on a toy for penetration.

The retailer is doing nothing illegal by selling you this product in a bag that just has tape on it. But they are definitely providing bad customer service if they aren’t explaining to you why the product comes this way, and what is, or is not, in the toy.

Sadly, I don’t think you have any legal recourse here. You could contact your local consumer advocate agency and see if they can help, and you should definitely spread the word about this bad customer service experience, but unless this product came with any therapeutic promises, or the retailer made specific health claims for this product that aren’t true, there’s not much you can do. What you can do is make sure that next time you purchase sex toys, you get them from a good sex shop, one that will stand behind their products, and offer you clear information to allow you to make your own decisions. There are a few things you can do to find a good sex shop, and it can be worth the time to find one that you know you can always go back to with questions, concerns, and complaints.

20 Helpful Hints for Women To Reach Orgasm

2006-12-31T08:40:00.000-08:00

A common concern I hear from my female clients involves difficulty in reaching orgasm. Here are some hints that I have found to be helpful:

PSYCHOLOGICAL HINTS:

1) Anticipate the Sexual Encounter--Many women find that if they spend some time fantasizing about an upcoming sexual encounter, they can use their minds (imagination) to "turn themselves on" physically, as well as emotionally. It also helps for women to learn to identify what turns them on in their environment (i.e., romantic or erotic stories, love songs, videos, etc.) and use this material in anticipation of a sexual encounter. This process of "starting on warm" can help to make reaching "the end" easier.

2) Get Relaxed--Most women require a transition or "down time" in order to be opened-up to receiving sexual pleasure. This is because emotional tension negatively interferes with sexual response. So, listen to music, take a hot bath, read a book, do "whatever works" to get relaxed. Being in a relaxed mode is very helpful to achieving orgasm.

3) Eliminate Distractions--Women frequently find that their minds are cluttered with distractions such as "to do" lists, worries about privacy, too much light in the room, too much noise, pets in the room, etc. Identifying one's distractions and then eliminating them before sex can help a woman to focus on her body and her good feelings so that orgasm is easier to achieve. Distractions of any kind usually sabotage the sexual focus needed for most women to reach orgasm.

4) Eliminate Anger--It is hard to make love to a porcupine---and that is how many women feel when they are angry at their partner. Anger distances people. It is necessary for most women to work on eliminating angry and hurt feelings so that they can feel intimately connected with their partner. Most women require connection at the heart before they can truly connect with their genitals.

5) Get Comfortable with Your Body and Its Imperfections--Learning to appreciate and accept one's body is key to good sexual responsiveness. Obsessing over body imperfections--how it looks, feels, smells, or tastes, etc., may sabotage sexual response and certainly can interfere with orgasm. Such obsessing interferes with sexual arousal. In other words, the mind gets in the way of the body's response. It is good to remember that most men get more turned on by an interested and interesting partner rather than by a perfect body.

6) Get Into an Erotic Focus During Sex--This requires putting the mind in an erotic mode so that the mind can boost physical arousal. This can be done by following in "the mind's eye" what one's partner is doing (to you) physically. It may require imagery of an erotic or romantic scene or fantasy that is a turn on. Perhaps, best of all is being turned on by watching one's partner and/or looking into each other's eyes. But this might not be possible because many women need closed eyes to focus in order to reach orgasm.

7) Concentrate--As arousal builds, most women need to concentrate on their pleasurable feelings (especially those in the clitoris and/or vagina), and on their growing excitement. Concentration, which usually excludes verbal responses, is part of the erotic focus necessary for many women to reach orgasm.

8) Get Out of The "Real Way" Trap--Many people of both genders mistakenly believe that "the real way" to orgasm is only through vaginal intercourse. Other ways of achieving orgasm, such as by clitoral stimulation (manually or orally), do not count to these people because these orgasms are deemed inferior to a "vaginal orgasms." This false belief (which originated with Sigmund Freud) still causes many modern women to think they are broken, abnormal or inferior because they can not orgasm "the real way." Please remember: The majority of women orgasm most effectively with clitoral stimulation or vaginal stimulation assisted by clitoral stimulation, not by vaginal stimulation alone, and that is okay and fine! Many women will never orgasm just by vaginal stimulation alone. All orgasms are valid no matter how they happen to occur. Trying to orgasm the "real way" can trap people into worrying about sexual performance and can certainly inhibit orgasm.

9) Make Time For Play--People frequently leave lovemaking for very late hours, when bodies just need sleep. If people would "make time for play" (not necessarily foreplay), protect that time and not wait for spontaneous encounters, they would be more assured of good sex. This is especially meaningful for women because it is easier to reach orgasm when feeling energized rather than tired and weary.

PHYSICAL HINTS:

1) Become an Expert On Your Own Body--Learning about your body and its responses is essential for most women to reach orgasm reliably. The idea is to take control of your body and personally get in touch with your responses, then teach your partner what kind of touch is most pleasurable. Remember, he is not the expert only on his body! Your are! Women who haven't learned about their bodies are not able to know what they like sexually. These women are often not orgasmic because they haven't learned what works for them.

2) Communicate Openly--Open communication is essential for sexual satisfaction because people are not mind readers. Spoken communication is clearest, but guiding your partner's hand or prearranged cues may work as well. Open communication about sex takes honesty, trust, respect and the ability to take risks.

3) Be Sure Your Partner is "On the Mark"-- If your partner is off target when stimulating your body, you won't ever reach orgasm. So, make sure you convey where you need to be touched as well as what you like best.

4) Exaggerate Sexual Tension--With physical arousal it is natural for one's muscles to tense up as orgasm approaches. This happens in both sexes, but is more noticeable in women. Exaggerating this muscle tension may help to trigger an orgasm.

5) Squeeze those Muscles--Contracting the muscles around the vagina (called PC muscles) helps to bring blood to the genitals and thus builds arousal. These are also the muscles that contract with orgasm. Squeezing the PC muscles (called Kegel Exercises) may help to trigger orgasm and may make orgasm more intense.

6) Hang Your Head--Hanging your head over the side of the bed may trigger orgasm. In some women this may heighten arousal and sexual tension. If nothing else, this position will be a distraction from "trying too hard" and hence may lead to orgasm.

7) Breathe Differently--Varying breathing patterns may also add to sexual arousal and can trigger orgasm.

8) Be a Tease--Teasing yourself or allowing your partner to tease you by touching your "pleasure spots," then withdrawing the touch over and over again, is a very effective way to build arousal and heighten orgasm.

9) Practice Letting Go--Orgasm rehearsal (in private) is often helpful for women who have trouble relinquishing control. Practicing orgasms, including making noises and "funny" faces, may help to gain comfort and reduce anxiety about having orgasms. This may help in the process of learning to orgasm.

10) Be superior--For women who want to "work on" their orgasms with intercourse, the female superior position (on top) generally works best. This position allows a woman to take control of intercourse, thus allowing maximum stimulation. In this way, she can control the tempo of intercourse, the depth of penile thrusting (or sliding movements), and the clitoral stimulation. The female superior position is especially good for women who have personal issues that require the need to feel in total control sexually.

11) Use Toys If You Like--If you are comfortable with the use of sex toys, vibrators can be a fun way to help "get there" reliably and easily. They take "the work" out of trying to orgasm and can also take pressure off your partner because your pleasure then becomes your own responsibility. Vibrators work best when you hold it on yourself. Vibrators can be used (held on the clitoris) for sexual play or during sexual intercourse to facilitate the path to orgasm.

Does Penis Size Matter?

2006-12-30T10:23:00.000-08:00

Research on the importance of penis size for men and women

Everyone knows the old saying that bigger is better. These days the phrase itself immediately makes one think of penis size. But is it accurate? Is bigger better, and does penis size always matter to people?

The reality is that sometimes penis size matters, and sometimes it doesn’t. There are those of us who have unique personal tastes (affectionately known as size queens), but others prefer variety. Some folks might be happy driving a Tercel one day and an SUV the next. Another key piece of information when talking about bigger penis size, is making sure we know we agree on what is an average penis size.

Rather than rely on old sayings, fashion magazines, and the hundreds of emails in your inbox every day, let’s look at what research tells us about whether penis size matters?

Does penis size matter to women?

A survey of 556 women between the ages of 19-49 asked participants to evaluate the importance of penis length and girth.

The findings were:

18% said penis length was very important, 22% said penis girth was very important
57% said penis length was somewhat important, 53% said penis girth was somewhat important
25% said penis length was unimportant, 25% said penis girth was unimportant

A major flaw of this study was that it did not specify an optimal size. So women who felt penis girth was very important may have different ideas of what the ideal penis girth is. The assumption might be bigger is better, but this isn’t confirmed by this study.

Another ingenious study, done by Canadians, had women read erotic passages and rate them on the steaminess of the passage. The only thing they altered was the size of the penis. While some respondents did score the larger penises to be hotter, the differences were not statistically significant. Indicating that in a fantasy realm at least, bigger may not necessarily mean more arousing.

While there have been other surveys that have asked women about the importance of penis length and girth, and most report that where this is a preference, girth is reported as more important then length, there doesn’t seem to be any academic research that actually addresses what size is preferable. If there were such research we could expect, of course, there to be great variability in size preferences.

Does penis size matter to men?

There is no question that men have a preoccupation with penis size. Most men to think penis size matters, and most men seem to worry about the size of their penis at some point in their lives. There have been several studies that have confirmed that men’s perception of penis size is skewed:

Several studies that have asked men to evaluate the size of their penis, compare it to “normal” and then have actually measured their penis size, have shown that most men underestimate the size of their penis, and overestimate what is average penis size.
Studies have also shown that men tend to compare penises in a way that is likely to end up with negative evaluation (e.g. they compare flaccid penis to an erect penis).
One study of men who were seeking penile enlargement surgery found that most of the men had penises that were in the average size range, despite their belief that they had unusually small penises.

It seems from what research we have, that men think penis size matters more than women. Which begs the question, Why do guys worry and talk about penis size so much?

One answer is that we’re still stuck in this penis-centered idea of sex, where great sex comes solely from a man doing unbelievable things with his penis.

Let’s remember first, that lots of people are having great sex with no penis involved at all! And beyond that, most women don’t orgasm from penetration at all, so most orgasms are not being produced from a penis of any size. I think we still focus on penis size, because we still think that a dick is the measure of a man. And this is the worst misconception of all.

Lovemaking Tips for Men - You Get What You Give

2006-12-29T10:19:00.000-08:00

by Mitchell Tepper

I was recently asked to do an article dealing with a common sense sexual tip of my choice. Knowing that there were enough other experts who would be speaking to women’s issues, I decided to focus my time on an educational message targeted toward men that would also benefit their partners. Simply put, when it comes to sex, you get what you give.

If you rush too quickly to intercourse you may get off but your partner may not. If you rush, your partner may even experience pain or discomfort instead of pleasure, and may be less likely to be receptive to your needs the next time. Also, many men who rush to intercourse end up getting off too quickly and feeling ashamed or inadequate afterwards. “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am” is not going to get you far in the long run.

If you are in it for the performance you may end up so focused on technique that you actually end up a spectator. When too focused on your technique you risk missing out on the more subtle sensations of sex. Worse yet, if you are so worried about how you are doing, you may not get off at all or you may last so long that your partner ends up dry, sore, and wishing the sexual encounter was over. When the whole sexual experience is focused on getting it up, getting it in, and keeping it in until your partner has multiple screaming orgasms, you and your partner may both end up getting shortchanged. You end up putting pressure on your partner to respond – a strategy that most certainly will backfire – and it becomes very difficult for you to take pleasure in what’s happening in the present moment.

When you engage your mind and whole body during sex in addition to your genitals, more areas of your brain are activated. This has been confirmed by the latest fMRI studies of the brain during orgasm. My research with spinal cord injured men and women who experience orgasm despite paralysis and loss of sensation in their genitals demonstrates the power of the mind and a sense of connectedness with your partner to facilitate pleasure and orgasm.

If you take a little more time to tune into your partner and yourself and partake in more whole body pleasuring, you will avoid three of the most common mistakes men make in sex:
1) rushing too quickly to intercourse;
2) performing too mechanically;
3) ejaculating too quickly.

By slowing down, staying in the present moment, allowing yourself to follow the natural flow, and including more complimenting, kissing, stroking, and massage, you allow the sexual energy to build and spread throughout your bodies and your brains. Lovemaking is likely to last much longer but with both partners experiencing a greater sense of connection leading to more intense and satisfying orgasms.

Top 10 reasons why sex at the speed of light is not an advisable form of procreation

2006-12-28T10:54:00.000-08:00

1. Penile length contraction:
According to the relativistic theory of length contraction, this is an inevitable consequence of performing sex at the speed of light. An average penis of length 13cm traveling at 99% the speed of light will contract down to a length of only 1.8cm (this is about the same length as the smallest functional penis officially recorded). At the speed of light, length contraction leads to an interesting paradox in which the penis seems to have no length at all, but is still managing to have sex somehow.

2. Penile black hole formation:
At the speed of light, relativity also predicts that the penis will attain infinite mass, essentially becoming a black hole. When its owner realises that his penis has turned into a black hole, he will become profoundly depressed and overcome by a feeling of loss. John Bobbitt would understand; but Mr Bobbitt had his penis sewn back on, whereas a penis lost to a black hole is a penis lost forever.

3. Penis vaporisation:
If the penis is not lost to a black hole, it will be lost to the uncaring force of friction. A penis traveling in and out of a vagina at close to the speed of light will be subjected to enormous resistive forces. Since resistive forces are proportional to speed, this will heat up the penis enormously. The temperature of the resulting internal environment will be so high that the penis molecules will actually undergo a phase transition into a gas, vaporising the penis almost instantaneously.

4. Relativistic flaming semen:
In the unlikely event that a vaporised penis can perform ejaculation, then the relativistic semen will create enormous air resistance, burst into flames almost instantaneously, and generate enormous impact forces. These forces will be sufficient to pierce a small hole straight through a woman's lower torso, just like a speeding bullet, only incinerating the surrounding tissue as it passes through.

5. Time-dilated necrophilia:
Unfortunately, the woman will probably be dead before ejaculation anyway. According to the relativistic theory of time dilation, then if the man is to actually thrust in and out at a speed infinitesimally close to the speed of light, then from his point of view, his partner will be ageing extremely quickly, and will be long dead before he ejaculates. Legally, he will be committing necrophilia.

6. Lack of visual appeal:
Time-dilated necrophilia, flaming relativistic ejaculation and penile black hole formation are all very dramatic, but unfortunately they don't translate well onto the big screen. In reality, relativistic sex would only last for a fraction of a second, and would appear as a sort of muddy grayish white smudge, since the eye merges all images together at such high speeds. This is probably not visually appealing enough to make a porn-at-the-speed-of-light series out of.

7. Religious values:
Certain branches of Christianity would view porn-at-the-speed-of-light immoral anyway. It's in the Bible.

8. Property damage:
A penis is made up of a collection of charged molecules, and accelerating charged molecules emit radiation. To accelerate charged penis molecules up to the speed of light in a single thrust requires enormous acceleration. This will produce a frequency and intensity of radiation similar to that produced by a small nuclear explosion. It may be worth hiring out a hotel room if you don't want your own room obliterated.

9. Deafening sonic booms:
As a penis accelerates up to the speed of light, it will inevitably surpass the sound barrier, producing deafening sonic booms with every inward and outward thrust. If the neighbours haven’t already been woken by your moaning, they will be now. Or then again maybe not, because they will be conveniently deafened and unable to hear you.

10. Excessive dietary requirements:
The amount of energy required to accelerate an average person up to 99% the speed of light for a single inward thrust is approximately equal to 16 million billion kilojoules. This is equivalent to the amount of energy gained by consuming 78 trillion weetbix. But 78 trillion weetbix will increase an average person’s mass by approximately 1.2 trillion kilograms, requiring them to eat even more weetbix just to accelerate this additional load up to the speed of light. Nine out of ten nutritionists may recommend weetbix, but this is slightly more than the recommended daily intake.

Options for Erectile Dysfunction

2006-12-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

There are many options for men who have difficulty attaining or maintaining an erection. Erection requires increased blood flow to the penis and restricted blood flow out of the penis:

The "stuffing" technique is an option for intercourse that does not require any medical intervention. For men who experience reflex erection from direct or indirect stimulation of the penis, stuffing the penis into the vagina while your partner uses their muscles to stimulate the penis may cause erection and help maintain it. Often both partners are satisfied with this sexual activity whether an erection is attained or maintained or not. There is also a new product on the market called Rejoyn. Rejoyn is designed to enable a man without an erection to engage in intercourse.

For men who have no problem attaining an erection but have difficulty maintaining it, the use of a constriction device (rubber or silicone ring or adjustable leather strap) can help. It is safest to get a prescription for a custom fitted device from your urologists so they can thoroughly review the proper use of the product, however these devices are available "over the counter" in many magazines or catalogs and marketed as "cock rings." The two biggest concerns are skin integrity and adequate blood flow. The use of plenty of water-based lubricant such as KY jelly or AstroGlide is necessary to avoid skin breakdown when applying and removing the device. A proper fit that allows some blood flow is important to avoid bruising the penis and damaging erectile tissue inside the penis. Even with a good fit the device should not be left on more than 30 minutes or permanent damage to the penis may occur. This means set the alarm before having intercourse or make sure you do not fall asleep with the device on!

Vacuum erection devices have been successful with men who have difficulty attaining an erection. A cylinder is placed over the penis and a mechanical or electrical pump is used to create a vacuum and draw blood into the penis. Then a constriction device as described in #2 is used to trap the blood in the penis. Vacuum devices were traditionally available through a prescription from your doctor or urologists. Now you can the VED(R) Valu(tm) Pump without a prescription.

Delivering medication directly into the shaft of the penis (Caverject) using a small syringe has also been effective with men who have difficulty attaining an erection. The quality of erection attained using this method is sometimes preferred to erections maintained with a constriction device, however some men are initially uncomfortable with the thought of injecting medication or anything else into their penis. Risks of this method include bruising, scarring at the injection site, and priapism (an erection that lasts for many hours). This method, sometimes referred to as Pharmacological Erection Program (PEP), is only available through a prescription from your doctor or urologists.

A method of delivering the medication using a suppository inserted into the urethra instead of an injection is also available (MUSE).

Oral medication or a pill to solve erectile dysfunction is now available. By now most people have heard of Viagra. New oral medications are currently in various stages of research and development and/or are under FDA review.

Surgical implants permanently alter the erectile tissue in the penis and carry higher risks than other methods mentioned. Therefore surgical implants should be the option of last resort. Implants involve surgically inserting semi-rigid rods or inflatable tubes in the shaft of the penis. This procedure involves all the risks of surgery plus the added risk of long term infection, erosion of the device through the skin, and malfunction and replacement of the device. This device is only available through your urologists.

Also, if you are taking prescription or non-prescription drugs you should ask your doctor or pharmacist about the possible effects on erectile function and whether another drug can be substituted.

Premature or Rapid Ejaculation

2006-12-26T07:44:00.000-08:00

by Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.

A lot of men and/or their partners wish they were able to prolong their sexual encounters. Lack of ejaculatory control might, in fact, be the number one sexual complaint among men under the age of 50. The details of the complaint vary greatly though. Concerns range from the man who will ejaculate within seconds, at the first touch or just prior to penetration, to the man who is able to receive oral and manual stimulation without ejaculating, but with intercourse will orgasm within a minute. There are men who report being quick to ejaculate from their very first sexual encounter and remain so. There are men who report having been quick during early sexual encounters but somehow gained control until suddenly losing control again. Then there are men who seem never ever to have been bothered by an untimely ejaculation. Obviously there is not just one type of ejaculatory concern.

"Premature" or "rapid" ejaculation is also relative to the man and/or his partner's expectations. There are men who are able to thrust for 5 minutes before ejaculating and complain because they had hoped to last another 25 minutes. There are men who last 20 minutes but their partners complain that they did not wait for her -- or worse yet, draw comparisons with her last lover who had set a record for marathon thrusting. Consider another couple who plays for an hour after a very romantic evening. In the course of love play the man manually and then orally stimulates his partner who, in response, has three orgasms. He then mounts, thrusting hard and deep, and ejaculates in about 45 seconds. This couple then holds each other in the afterglow of their intimate exchange, telling each other how wonderful the lovemaking had been. Does this man have a problem? Not if both are happy with the encounter. What if he moves on to another relationship and the next woman is not comfortable receiving oral stimulation to orgasm and expects 10 minutes of coital thrusting! These examples make it clear that a man's expectations and/or the expectations of his partner(s) have something to do with his labeling himself as having a problem.

In the past, premature ejaculation was defined by the percent of times the man ejaculates during intercourse before his partner does. There is, however, a major problem with defining a man's ejaculatory control in terms of his partner's orgasmic frequency during intercourse. It has been clearly demonstrated that the majority of women (perhaps around 65%) are unable to orgasm with the stimulation of intercourse alone... never could and probably never will. For most women the vagina is significantly less sensitive than the clitoris, which is not always stimulated in most coital positions. A fair number of the roughly 35% of women who can make it during intercourse do so by combining clitoral stimulation with what they are experiencing vaginally. It is fortunate that some positions that work best for the woman are the same in which a man might exercise better control of his ejaculatory process. I have illustrated these positions in my book, MALE SEXUAL ENDURANCE: A Man's Book about Ejaculatory Control but I will say more of the advantages of the female superior position later.

You might now ask, "What is normal or typical?" Let's first, however, consider the question, "What is natural?" In nature the purpose of sex is procreation, and this process is accomplished by the deposit of sperm deep in the vagina, independent of the time it takes to do so (or, for that matter, the partner's satisfaction). Our primate cousins, the apes, chimps and monkey, ejaculated in seconds.

As human beings, however, sex is more often for recreation, typically with great pains being taken to prevent pregnancy. Sex for humans is an expression of love, a sharing of intimacy, a form of communication, and often we feel it is an expression of our manhood or womanhood. We have a certain investment in being good at it! However, it appears natural for a man to move toward vaginal intercourse, thrust upon penetration, and ejaculate quickly.

This brings us to the question, then, about normalcy. It is my position that it is normal for men to sense an urge to ejaculate quickly and feel the need to exercise some control. We'll finally look at the question now of "What is typical?" Although averages stated vary a bit from study to study, it would appear safe to say that the average healthy male under 30, with steady vaginal thrusting, will ejaculate in 1 to 3 minutes, not 15 minutes as most men would wish.

There are factors that influence how quickly a man will ejaculate. The younger the man, the more likely it is that he will ejaculate quicker. The more excited the man, the quicker he is likely to be, and related to this, the more novel and exciting the partner, the greater the tendency to orgasm rapidly. Also, the longer the time since his last ejaculation, the greater the loss of control. Furthermore, the more active and rapid the thrusting, the sooner he is likely to reach the point of ejaculatory inevitability - that point of no return. It also seems clear that the more worried or anxious the man, the shorter his fuse will be. In summary, the man at greatest risk of ejaculating quickly is the young man who is with a new partner after a long dry spell and is very excited, but very nervous, as he penetrates and thrusts steadily and rapidly.

Men have tried many things to slow themselves down. Makers of the desensitizing creams have made fortunes because men believe that if they numb the end of their penis they will last longer. However, most men are disappointed with these over-priced creams, as the ejaculatory reflex is much more complicated than just superficial nerve endings. Someone once said that our largest sex organ is not between our legs, but rather between our ears. There is a lot of complicated neurology between the end of a penis and the top of the man's brain! More recently, physicians have been prescribing medications that have been found to have ejaculatory retardation as a side effect, but as a behavioral therapist I have a problem with this. Even if such medication does work (and it often does not), it will "cure" nothing. The man can't take it for a lifetime, and in relying on the magic pill will never learn how to manage his ejaculatory process in a way to prolong the pleasure both he and his partner experience. Condoms might help (and should always be worn in the practice of safer sex), but in a long-term committed relationship, condoms may be a nuisance unless being worn for contraceptive purposes.

Unfortunately, much effort by well-intended sex therapists has been wasted, for many of my colleagues have not understood the dynamics of the natural ejaculatory response nor the important learning components of gaining better management of the process. In part, the difficulty has been with them viewing rapid ejaculation (a term I prefer over premature ejaculation) as a pathological condition rather than a natural one. Rapid ejaculation has been grouped with the sexual dysfunctions, even though it is quite common and the majority of young excited males will ejaculate rapidly at least in the early encounters with a responsive and novel partner. Calling it a dysfunction is essentially turning a natural process into an illness. In the medical model of thinking, if there is an illness, there is hopefully a cure. Thus we find many self-help books promising a cure in from 4 to 8 weeks! If it is a natural and fairly typical response, what is there to cure? I am not surprised to learn that a three-year follow-up study has shown that a significant number of the men thought to be "cured," end up right back where they started from before beginning treatment. Something is missing in the routine prescription of behavioral homework given with the promise that faithful compliance will effect a lasting life-long remedy. Just doing the prescribed exercises will not change anything over the long run if the man does not learn something new.

It may well be that some men are just more sensitive than others. There is no cure for what is just one more of the multitude of individual differences we find among people. However, I had mentioned earlier two very common features of men who consistently ejaculate rapidly: High sexual excitement and high psychological anxiety. If a man is to learn an effective strategy for managing his ejaculatory response, he must not allow himself to become overly excited. Yes, ejaculatory control will cost a man something, for he cannot get caught up in crazy-wild passion without dashing uncontrollably toward that point of ejaculatory inevitability. Increasing the frequency of ejaculation, either with a partner or through self-stimulation can help. Also staying relaxed both in mind and body is very important.

There is a series of step by step exercises "prescribed' by sex therapists called the start-stop method, but it is not simply starting and stopping that helps a man gain control. The man must focus in on his steady progression toward the inevitable, that point of no return. He must identify all the internal indicators that he is approaching that threshold where his body will automatically take over and propel him to orgasm. This requires relaxation and concentration. He cannot be thinking of his partner's response nor even looking at her body. He must stay within himself and feel his process unfolding. Then he must stop before reaching the point of ejaculatory inevitability. Typically the instructions are to start and stop four or five times before "letting go" and ejaculating. I always remind men to identify what that psychological/physical "letting go" really involves. The start-stop procedure works best with a committed and giving partner whom is willing to take the time to help. Typically the "homework" starts with manual stimulation with a dry hand.

After a few such encounters, a lubricant is introduced, but the stimulation is still manual. If all is going well, after several such episodes oral stimulation is suggested if the woman is comfortable performing fellatio. Remember, with each of these steps, the stimulation is started and, as the point of no return is approached, the stimulation is stopped. The man must not allow his partner to begin again until he is absolutely sure he is back under control, even if this means he is beginning to lose some of his firmness. It is just as important to know when to start in again as it is to know when to stop! Time and space does not allow a full and more detailed description of the behaviors and attitudes recommended in this exercise, but more information can be found in written accounts such as MALE SEXUAL ENDURANCE: A Man's Book about Ejaculatory Control .

I strongly endorse oral stimulation for the woman and feel that this is a wonderful gift a man can give in exchange to the partner who is patiently doing her part in the start-stop exercises. My book, ORAL CARESS: A Loving Guide to Exciting a Woman, talks at length about this intimate act of giving.

Once a man feels that he has learned to anticipate the point of inevitability, feels that his excitement is more controlled, and has learned to relax, he should begin the next step. While lying on his back perfectly relaxed and motionless, as before, but now, after one or two starts and stops with manual stimulation as the partner straddles his legs, she should rise up, lift and insert the penis, and sit down on her partner as she incorporates him into her vagina. She should not move, nor should he! This is likely to be very exciting and they must wait until the man is absolutely sure that he is back under control. The woman should then begin to move as the man lies quietly, keeping track of where he is in his progression toward orgasm.

Many therapists will not be any more specific, allowing the woman to figure out on her own just how she should move. My recommendation is always that the woman not move up and down, but rather to lean forward and slide from front to back. In this way the stimulation received from the tighter opening of her vagina is concentrated at the base of his penis, as opposed to it sliding up and down the length of it. The man must stay still, concentrating on his progression. In this female superior position, the woman can now focus on her clitoris to determine if she can, in sliding, receive clitoral stimulation as she controls the movement.

Most self-help books would say something like "After 4 to 8 weeks of this homework, ejaculatory control is gained." At this point many men believe they must be cured, forget anything that they might have learned and begin thrusting away as though they should now last forever. Once they again feel out of control their anxiety returns and it's down hill from there. It is my belief that men must learn to monitor their ejaculatory process as standard procedure during any sexual encounter, from now until they die or reach the age when sex becomes unimportant. It is my belief that the male superior position in which the man is on top and thrusting with long rapid strokes is great fun, but it will be brief and the majority of woman are not going to orgasm with this. The couple who work at mastering the female superior position, starting and stopping as needed, are more likely to prolong intercourse and it is more likely that the woman will find more clitoral pleasure... and perhaps orgasm in the process. Some couples have found over time that the woman actually will orgasm in this position before the man, at which point he may elect to finish in his favorite position. The rapid ejaculator is and always will be the master of quickies and when a partner says "This one's on me," it's dealer's choice!

In my book I endorse the use of vibrators during intercourse and have several illustrations of positions in which the woman can be stimulated while the man waits, casually thrusting until his partner signals she is about to climax. The rapid ejaculator typically has no problem catching up to join her in a simultaneous orgasm.

Is There a Male Menopause?

2006-12-24T07:38:00.000-08:00

Testosterone, which is secreted primarily from the testicles and secondarily from the adrenal glands, is an important hormone in male development. It is know that testosterone levels are secreted in the male according to a circadian rhythm, with maximal levels occurring in the morning and minimal levels at night. It is also known that serum testosterone levels do decline with advancing age, beginning in the mid-forties. This is most likely a result of a decreased rate of production in the testicles due to aging. In addition, the size and weight of the testicles decrease with age. Seventy-year-old males may be expected to have approximately 50 percent of the testosterone concentrations found in men half their age.

However, almost all older men still have serum testosterone levels that are in a range considered to be normal, and testosterone levels in men who demonstrate varying levels of erectile ability usually fall within the normal range, indicating that testosterone itself is usually not a cause of impotence. But while low testosterone is generally not responsible for impotence, it may cause a loss of interest in sex.

As a man enters middle age, there are obvious changes in his emotional makeup. A man may realize for the first time that many of his early aspirations, either personal or occupational, will not be met. Other men feel that they have gone as far as they are going to go professionally and financially, and that there is really nothing to look forward to in life. These anxieties common to middle age may result in psychological impotence.

Many women state that they know their partner is going through a "change of life." But the fact is that this is probably not a physiological change but rather a psychological one.

Some men today believe they should be able to perform sexually like a machine. They expect that foreplay, erections, vaginal penetration, ejaculation and orgasm will follow in an automatic sequence. Since most bodily functions, including sexual drive, vary from day to day, the chances of not living up to a predetermined standard are significant; therefore there is a great tendency for men, especially those of middle age, to believe that they are sexual underachievers. It is imperative that they and their female partners realize that sexual performance will vary from time to time and that there are no set standards that must be met on every occasion.

A sympathetic and considerate female partner is one of the most important factors in continuing potency in the male. Men and their partners should take heart in the knowledge that sex, like a fine wine, may improve with aging.